Happenings Lately

So much going on, people.  So much.  Obviously I haven't blogged in awhile.  The truth is... I can barely go to the bathroom, shower and/or eat with 2 hands {oh, the luxuries!}, so clearly blogging is going to take a back seat. But I'm now trying my best to get back into the swing of things. So here's what's been happening lately...
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I go back to work next week!  Ahhhh.  How did this happen!?!  Baby girl is 9 weeks old {today!} so I do feel lucky that I will have had 10 weeks at home with her before I go back.  I also have a nice transition back into the office over the next month, which I'm very grateful for as well!

But, I have to admit... I'm having serious mixed feelings about it. 

On one hand, I am super excited to get back to work. {Call me crazy!}  I just miss being in my work environment, having daily adult interaction and actually getting a designated lunch break where I'll be able to eat.  With 2 hands!  {It's the little things.}

On the other hand, I know I will miss my baby girl like whoa.  And my 3 other babies too, obviously.  But especially Emerson.  We've been attached at the hip {or she's been attached to my boob, rather} for 10 weeks straight... it will be a difficult adjustment to leave her for 8 hours a day while I'm at work.  But we'll get through it... I have 3 times before this, right?
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Speaking of going back to work... I've been having serious anxiety, to the point of having nightmares about it.  And not for any of the reasons mentioned above.  Here's the thing...

My very first day back in the office after my maternity leave with Reid?  My dad died.

The. very. first. day.

Imagine being overwhelmed with the thought of leaving your new baby for the first time as you head back to work. Running a little late, as you transition to your new morning routine.  Sitting down at the computer to hundreds of new emails.  Your desk flooded with all the changes made in the short time that you've been gone. You haven't yet said hello to all of your fellow coworkers, because you've been inundated with work. And just as you get a moment to breathe after a few overwhelming hours trying to get re-accustomed to your work environment, you get that fateful call that will change your life forever.

I never realized, until recently as I prepare to head back to work again, just how much it has impacted me.  The timing of it all.  Being with Reid for 12 weeks straight and then, leaving for work that day, and not seeing him for more than an hour in the week that followed.  Makes me cry just thinking about how difficult that time was for everyone.  It's hard enough losing a parent, but to have it happen just 2 hours into your very first day back from maternity leave when you're already an emotional mess, made it all that more difficult. {And let's not add to it, the fact that I came home late that night to a dog that could no longer walk and that we were told to put to sleep THAT SAME DAY.}

It was obviously the hardest day of my life.

So, as I prepare to go back to work next week, I can't help but have severe anxiety about it. Almost like... "what terrible thing is going to happen when I return to work this time?"
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Let's shift gears, shall we?

Carter is playing baseball!  Well, tee-ball, but still.  He's so excited about it {and so am I!}  Opening Day is this Saturday and I'm praying for nice weather.  The poor kid has only had 1 practice so far because the other 4 have been cancelled due to rain and SNOW. {Ugh!}  Would it be too much to ask to have spring-like weather in spring??  Anyway, here's my little cutie just before his first {and only, grrr} practice:

Love him!  I must also add that he is doing amazing in school.  I was so worried about how he was going to do with being so young {he has a July birthday!} and I was even more worried about how he would act in school, but I'm happy to report that he is doing SO WELL!!  We are so proud of him!  Go Carter Man!
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With April approaching, I am in the midst of planning Brynn's 4th {WTH!?!?!} birthday party.  Her birthday is on a Saturday this year {May 24th}, so that makes things easier.  Of course, that's Memorial Day weekend too, but whatever.  It is what it is.  Anyway, baby girl wants to have it at Build-A-Bear again, so that's what we'll do.  And, like every other child on the planet, it MUST be Frozen themed.  Because, what else is there right now!?!  Exactly. {And a Frozen/snowflake theme on Memorial Day weekend makes so much sense.  Obviously.}

I did design her Frozen birthday invitation a few days ago, and I'm still tweaking it to perfection, so I'll be sure to post it as soon as it's ready!  I will say that it's one of my favorite invitations that I've designed so far though... EEEKKK!

Here's a recent pic of Brynn and I on our little girls day out...

We only went to Target and Chicl-Fil-A, but hey! It was fun! It was so nice to just have some time with my first baby girl. :)
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Reid Joesph turned 18 months on March 10th. He is doing amazing... he's smart as a whip but equally as evil.  He is into everything, let me tell ya.  There's a reason he's so cute, ha! We have his 18 month well visit on the same day as Emerson's 2 month visit, so I'll include his stats in that post as well. Here's a pic of my sweet boy along with his cousin, BFF and birthday twin, Aubrey, last weekend at their cousin Ben's 7th {ahh!!} birthday party...

OMG, they're the best, aren't they!?!
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Emerson just turned 2 months old on March 27th.  Can you believe it!?!  I have a whole post planned for later this week, but here's my little sweet pea on her second monthaversary...

Still with the hair.  I LOVE IT.  She's the sweetest!

She has her 2 month well visit on Thursday with Reid, so I'll have stats and everything for you then!  But let me just say that she is a great baby.  She's been sleeping through the night for several weeks now, has been an awesome nurser {with no signs of reflux, woo hoo!} and is very go-with-the-flow {poor thing doesn't have a choice, but still.} She just adores her brothers and sister too.  She's all smiles when they're around! :)  I'll have more on Emmie Mae later this week...
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In other news, Bob and I are still alive after two months with 4 kids, so that's saying something, right??

More later.  Promise.

The End of an Era

It's with a heavy heart {and many tears} that I write this post, as I did not come to this decision lightly {by any stretch of the imagination}...

I have decided to quit breastfeeding.

Now, I know how heated this topic can be, and I hope that you are able to read this respectfully.  Part of me wanted to skip this post altogether, but that's not fair either.  It's not fair to me and it's not fair to all the other moms out there that have had similar issues and feel they can't talk about it for fear of others passing harsh judgement. And, while that may be true {and there's really nothing I can do about that}, I know in my heart that I have made the best decision for my family. And really?  That's all that matters to me.

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Short Story:

Due to Reid's reflux issues and constant projectile vomiting after every nursing session, I decided to quit breastfeeding in order to develop a more consistent schedule for him. Going from breastfeeding, to formula and breast milk mixed bottles, and back again just wasn't working anymore and the one who was suffering at the end of the day, was poor little Reid.

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Long Story:

7 weeks.  That's how long I made it.  However, it was probably around the 5 week mark that I started questioning things.  Questioning the longevity of our breastfeeding relationship.  Questioning how much longer Reid could really handle it.  How much longer I could handle it.

But I just. couldn't. quit.  I couldn't help but think that we were almost over the hill.  And I didn't want to quit for fear that it would get better the very next day. Because that's how these things work.

So I nursed on. And while I knew I wasn't really all that happy about how things were going, I wanted to continue.  It had to get better.  It had to get easier.  It just did.

Sure, I had issues with breastfeeding, in general.  I was always going to be the only one feeding the baby {for the most part.} I was always going to have to pump. I was always going to have that engorged feeling every few hours that made me feel sick to my stomach. I was always going to have the crazy hormones that come with breastfeeding that made me feel less like myself than pregnancy ever had.

Of course, those things were managable to me and really only 2% of my breastfeeding issues.

The other 98%?  Reflux.

No matter what I did, Reid was always going to spit up my breast milk. It was just way too thin and his little sensitive belly couldn't take it.  No diet changes in the world {and trust me, I tried} were going to help him.  Even though he was on medication for his reflux, he continued to spit up and projective vomit after every feeding. Which, in turn, would make him hungry a lot sooner and the cycle of nursing him almost constantly continued.

And it made me lose my mind. I felt frustrated and anxious and overly emotional and stressed.

Breastfeeding is not easy.  Breastfeeding a reflux baby is even harder. But breastfeeding a reflux baby that spits up {what seems like} all that he eats and wants to nurse non-stop all while taking care of three kids? Nearly impossible.

One Friday afternoon, I hit my breaking point...  Carter came up to me, gave me a hug and asked me why I was so sad all the time.

And it was then, that I knew.  I just couldn't do this anymore.

I felt like I was missing out on so many precious moments.  This wonderful bonding experience wasn't all that bonding.  Reid was attached to me almost constantly, yet I felt like I was missing time with him. Precious time that I would never, ever get back. Missing time with Carter and Brynn who could see {and tell me!} that the same mommy that they fell in love with, was no more.  She was gone, and in return, they got this stressed out crazy person instead.

And then I had to rethink my priorities.  Why did I feel the need to continue?  Sure, in theory, it was the best thing for Reid. But was it?  Was it the best thing for him when he would constantly spit up? Was it the best thing for him when he would always feel hungry?  Was it the best thing for him to have a mom that was unhappy for these very reasons?

Of course not.

For the first time, I took emotions out of it and was thinking logically about this.  After 2 weeks of going back and forth about quitting and having people tell me that it was okay to quit, I knew it had to be me, and me alone, to decide that it really was okay. It had to be me to decide that I was ready.

And I was.  I was finally ready.

So, in following the rule "never quit on a bad day" I pressed on that Friday afternoon.  I continued to nurse Reid every hour, clean spit up off of both of us and nurse him again. All through the day and night, I nursed on.

And on Saturday morning, around 10am, I had my very last nursing session with him.  I knew it would be my last session before it even began.  It was wonderful and something that I will forever cherish.

When he was done, he looked up at me, smiled, and then projectile vomited through his nose.

And I knew I was making the right decision.

Reid needed consistency at this point so that we could figure out how to address his reflux issues and I knew it would be selfish of me to continue on like this. 

I had a talk with Reid that morning.  It was a good talk.  It went something like this...

That last picture gets me every time.  Because, you know what?  He does love me no matter what.  And at the end of the day, I need to do what's best for him.  For us.

Since switching to a formula especially made for reflux babies, we have seen quite a difference!  Although Reid is still spitting up, it has dramatically decreased and he hasn't projectile vomited one time since we stopped nursing.

And while I wish breastfeeding would have worked out for us {and not a day goes by that I don't miss some aspects of it} I know that I have made the right decision.  It took me several weeks to even get to a point where I was comfortable with quitting.  But once the initial difficulty passed {both emotionally and physically... OUCH!} there was no doubt in my mind that it was the best decision for our family and I'm happy in knowing that I did the very best that I could.

I think we're all a little happier now, actually.

The state of things.

{This post is all over the place, so bear with me.}

So, today marks 6 weeks.  Can you believe it?  Me either.

My sweet little love.

We're actually in the midst of 6 week growth spurt hell, so I'm going to try to keep the tone of this post happy as I sip my second cup of coffee while trying to get the baby to nap at the same time after getting a total of 3 hours of sleep last night.  {Is that a run-on sentence?  Oh, who cares.}

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The state of things in our house consists of chaos and craziness.  When I know I have some where to be, I start getting ready at least 3 hours before we have to leave.  It usually occurs in 10 minute increments while also trying to keep all the kiddos happy.  Pack the diaper bag. Nurse the baby. Jump in the shower. Dress the toddlers. Do my hair. Nurse the baby. Get dressed.  Nurse the baby.

You get the idea.  It takes us awhile.

I must say though, I'm really getting the hang of it now.  We had my niece's first birthday party on Saturday and my goal was to leave the house at 2pm.  Want to know what time we pulled out of the driveway?  2:08.  {And that's mostly because we had to wait for the mac-n-cheese that we were bringing to the party to finish cooking.}

Not bad.  Not bad at all.

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So, we're having a bit of adjustment issues over here.  Carter's fine.  He's all "been there, done that, can I play with the iPad now?"

But Brynn?  She's having trouble.

While she adores the baby {seriously... adores him} she's looking for more attention from us.  She constantly wants to hold our hand, play games with her {like, in the middle of dinner, she'll try and pull us away from the table to play hide and seek} and she wants us to hold her all the time.

She's never done any of that before, but now that the baby is here, things have changed.  This, of course, is hard to do when you're trying to take care of everyone at once, but we've been trying to have special time with just her.  We'll get on the floor and play dolls with her or run up stairs and have a tea party.  We're just trying to give her the extra love she needs right now as she adjusts to the baby.

The good news is that she's not taking any of this out on him.  Like I mentioned, she adores him.  We call her Mama Brynn because she's always making sure that the baby is taken care of.  And has something to play with... we always find random toys on his lap.

The other day, I had to put the baby in his rock-n-play so that I could help Carter with the potty and I heard him start crying.  I was trying to hurry up with Carter so that I could go get Reid again, but then, all of a sudden, he stopped.  I figured he fell asleep, so I quickly finished with Carter and ran back downstairs to make sure everything was okay.  And there she was.  Mama Brynn.  She had given Reid his pacifier and blanket and was rocking him while saying "shhhh, shhhhh."  I mean?  Come on.  Isn't she the sweetest!?!  Good ol' Mama Brynn.

And Reid feels the same way about her.

Dying of the cute.

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So, today also marks 6 weeks of breastfeeding.  My very first goal.  I'm very proud that I have reached it, as it's been a bit of a rough go.

But first.

I'm getting a lot of comments and emails about this, so I'll address it real quick.  While this is my third baby, this is my first time breastfeeding.  With Carter and Brynn, I went straight to formula for various reasons, but, since many of those things have changed this time around, I really wanted to give breastfeeding a real try.

And it's.... going.

As you can imagine, it's extremely time consuming and difficult with three kids, THAT I can tell you for a fact.  Reid is not a very efficient nurser, so the whole process takes about 45 minutes to an hour each time and then usually results in a 30 minute break for me {on a good day} before starting all over again.  And, with two needy toddlers and a mama who likes to pee every once in a while, this can quickly become overwhelming. I'm doing my best to try to involve the kiddos, however, so we're just taking it one day at a time.

Now, I knew this wouldn't be easy, so I decided to make short goals for myself.  The first one was to make it to the 6 week mark, as I've heard/read that this was a real turning point for most people.  That's today.  And because we're in growth spurt hell, I can tell you that we have not reached that turning point yet.  Hopefully soon though.  It's at least not painful anymore, so that's fabulous news.

My next goal is to make it through my maternity leave.  12 weeks.  We'll see how that goes.

But.

Reid is having some serious reflux issues.  He's on Zantac, which has helped him with the pain of the reflux, but not the constant spit up and projectile vomiting.  This is also posing a problem with our breastfeeding relationship, since he's spitting up so much after he eats, that he's hungry again almost right away.

We're trying different things to help address this, however.  As of right now,  Reid gets 2 bottles a day... one in the morning and one at night.  These bottles contain his Zantac, since he'd throw it up within minutes when we gave it to him straight from the dropper. They also have 2oz of pumped breast milk and 2oz of Similac Sensitive for Spit-up, which makes it a bit thicker to help him keep his meds down.

So far this has been working for us.  While he's still spitting up a ton, it's been getting better.  These bottles are also helping me maintain my sanity, since it's much faster to pump than to nurse, so I'll pump while Bob gives Reid the bottle and then I have some extra time to spend with Carter and Brynn.  It also helps Bob feel more apart of things with the baby as well, so it's a win-win for everyone.

The important thing here is that Reid seems happier with this "schedule," and that's really all that matters to me.  We'll continue to work with the pediatrician to monitor his weight and make sure that he's gaining, even with the constant spit up. I'm hoping that we can figure out how to, at least, limit the amount he's spitting up, even if we can't completely eliminate it.

Poor guy.

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Tomorrow is my 6 week check-up with my OB.  It's also where we will discuss treatment for my cervical mass.  My OB may do a quick ultrasound to see if it's still there... if it was a highly complex nabothian cyst like we're hoping, there's a slight chance it burst during delivery.  If not, then I'll get referred for a more detailed ultrasound at the hospital and then head back to the oncologist for a biopsy.

While I'm super nervous about this, I'm also just hoping for the best here.

I'll keep you posted.

***

If you've made it this far, bless your little heart.  You deserve a cupcake.

Some other things I want to discuss soon on here?  My birth story {OMG, I need to finish writing it... here, let me distract you with pretty pictures} and my thoughts on being team green and if I'd ever do it again. {Wait, again? What?}

And you guys? It may have taken me 2 hours to write this post, but I did it while nursing a baby who is now sleeping peacefully on my chest.

Multitasking at its finest.

These days...

These days are spent on the couch, nursing a new babe that never seems full.

These days are spent hanging out with family.

These days are spent picking up endless things at Target and Babies R Us.

These days are spent at doctors appointments.

These days are spent running around the house trying to keep up with the laundry and dirty dishes.

These days are spent going for walks to the park.

These days are spent pumping at 3am after nursing a hungry baby in a very quiet house.

These days are spent playing hide and seek.

These days are spent with spit up down my shirt and baby poop on my pants.

These days are spent visiting my office {and daddy's office too!}

These days are spent with limited showers and no naps.

These days are spent at Carter's soccer practice and games.

These days are spent at birthday party, after birthday party {after birthday party.}

These days are spent in jammies and cuddling at 4pm waiting for daddy to get home from work.

These days are spent cleaning a house that seems to be destroyed again 5 minutes later.

These days are spent doting on our squisy, lovable newborn.

These days are spent in pure chaos and craziness as we adjust to life as a family of 5.

These days are spent in love. All-consuming happiness and love.  And, although I'm way past the point of exhaustion, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Friday :)

WW: Announced.

I apologize in advance if this post makes your uterus ache for a baby.  You have been warned. ;)

Now that we have our newborn pictures back, I'm so excited to show you the birth announcements that I designed for Reid and {my niece and Reid's birthday twin} Aubrey!  

Let me know what you think... =)  

All announcement photos were taken by Stephanie Glover Photography

And Aubrey's...

 

 I mean... Aubrey's hair.  SO CUTE!  I just adore her sweetness. And that smile??? :::dies:::

In other news, Reid?  He's ONE MONTH OLD!  How is that even possible!?! Here's a picture of my little pumpkin in his 1 month tie ;)

Sigh.  I just adore him.

Overall, things are going so well.  He's a sweet baby and he's a good sleeper, for the most part {however, we've had a few rough nights, as expected.}  Most of our issues stem from breastfeeding, but we both seem to be doing better with it and I'm hoping to make it to my first goal of 6 weeks {1.5 weeks to go!} and that we'll finally be on the other side of this hill. {Please tell me it gets better at 6 weeks.  Pretty please?} My next goal will be 12 weeks and then we'll take it from there.  Hopefully I can make it 6 months, but we'll see.  Baby steps.

In other news, Reid was just diagnosed with reflux {Carter had it too, but we dodged a bullet with Brynn!} and I'm hoping his new meds will help with feedings as well.  Poor baby screams in pain after nursing, even after a change in my diet and some other things we've done to try to avoid medication.  I'm hoping the Zantac helps!

He's really starting to be awake more and I love it!  He's talking and starting to smile when we talk to him.  Carter and Brynn just adore him and are such good little helpers!  Carter is already asking for another baby... a girl.  I told him we could always just steal Aubrey.  He was perfectly fine with that.  Sorry Aunt Kacy!

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Oh. Hi there.

Remember me?

I swear I'm trying to find time to blog.  Swear it.

It's just.... well, this three kid thing?  It's kinda hard.

Not that I ever thought it'd be easy.  I just have a baby boy who likes to nurse. A lot.  And two toddlers that need me as soon as the baby starts eating.  Which is... well, all the time. {Those pesky kiddos, needing their mama... they have a lot of nerve!}

So yeah... we're staying busy.  If you follow me on Instagram, you can check out all the pics I take.  It's really the only pics I take. {Where is that expensive DSLR I own? Hmmm.}

We're coming off a two party weekend here... one to the pumpkin patch {which Reid slept through the entire thing... woo hoo!}...

...and then another party at Chuck E. Cheese.  I hate that place, but the kids just LOVE it.  Andplusalso? It really tires them out, so I guess I actually do like it too ;)

Oh, so do you remember that baby I had?

Yeah.  Him.  {How cute is he!?!}

Well he turned 3 weeks old yesterday.  How is that even possible?  I swear I'm getting to my birth story {I've started writing it, it just takes a long time to write when you can only open your computer once a day for maybe 20 minutes} and I have quite a few other posts planned.  I just need more time in the day {don't we all?}

We also recently survived our first trip to the pediatrician with all three kiddos.

It was.... interesting.  But the kids did great and are very healthy 4 and 2 year olds!  As far as stats...

Carter:
Weight- 52 pounds | Over 100% {he's never actually been ON the charts for weight. Ahem.}
Height- 43 inches | 90%

Brynn:
Weight- 30 pounds | 75%
Height- 35.5 inches | 75%

Love my big healthy babies!

Reid also had a weight check appointment.  We've been going once a week because he's still not at his birth weight yet.  I'm hoping he is by his appointment tomorrow, however.  He's very close and I can't wait until he's finally there.  But he lost a lot of weight in the hospital {8%} and he's been slow to gain it back.  He's eating well and seems satisfied and has PLENTY of wet and dirty diapers, so I'm just trying to stay focused on that and not so much on the fact that he eats all the time and is slow to gain weight.  Makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job.

I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime?  I leave you with this...

We're not short on kisses around these parts and the kiddos just adore their baby brother.  They love him to pieces.  It's the sweetest.

I'll be on again to show you our amazing newborn pictures.  Hopefully tonight {that is... if I don't fall asleep sitting up.  Not that that's happened before.  Ahem.}

MUAH!