17 December 2012

We can't catch a break.

kai5

On the day my dad died, we came home to find our 6-year-old German Shepherd lying on the floor, unable to walk.  We rushed him to the animal hospital, where the vet said he was paralyzed and we'd have to put him down.

Unable to make such a decision on the same day that I lost my dad, we asked the hospital to keep him over night so that we could research our options. I refused to lose my dog too... my heart could only take so much.

The next morning, we got a wonderful phone call from the doctor saying that Kai was attempting to walk around with the nurses with the support of a brace.  That certainly gave us hope that maybe he'd pull through this.  The hospital kept Kai for 2 days and continued to give him meds and IV fluids.  On the night before my dad's funeral, we brought him home with the hope that things would get better soon.

They didn't.

Over the last week, we've taken Kai to see 3 different doctors, and they've all said the same thing.  Kai would never walk again.  They think he had a form of muscular dystrophy where his muscles were deteriorating at a rapid pace, which then caused weakness in his legs and then severe spinal cord damage.

On Friday night, he completely lost the ability to control his bowels and that's when we knew what we had to do.

Yesterday morning, we put Kai to sleep.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, especially at such an already unimaginable time in our lives. At first I felt like such a terrible person, doing that to him.  Making that horrible decision.  But I now realize that we put Kai first.  We were selfless. He was in so much pain and he didn't deserve to live like that.  It wasn't the life he would have wanted.

We are suffering now so that he no longer has too.

I know that Kai is happy again... running freely and catching tennis balls with his Poppy. They are taking care of each other.

We're trying to stay strong for the kids now.  Today is a new day.  There are 8 days until Christmas and we want to give the kids the kind of Christmas that they deserve.  After all, they've been through a lot in the last 2 weeks as well.

Today, I'm mailing my Christmas cards.
cards

Yep, I'm doing it.

Because even at this difficult time in our lives, I'm still able to find joy, if even for a brief moment.

And I know that I still have so much to be thankful for this Christmas.

32 comments:

Allie said...

Jenni, I'm so sorry about what you're going through. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I know you can pull through.

Phase Three of Life said...

Oh hunny, I am so so sorry.

a_est said...

I am so sorry. We have a German shepherd too and I dread the day anything happens to her because she really is my husband & my first baby.

"But I now realize that we put Kai first. We were selfless." - This is so very true & again I'm so sorry for your losses.

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

:( I want to hug you.

KC Squared said...

So sorry, dear! I pray for you all at this difficult time. You are so strong!

*hugs*
Kristen

J-Berg said...

I wish I had the right words for you, other then, I am just so, so sorry.

My heart breaks for you.

Jen M. said...

Jenni, I am so, so, so terribly sorry to hear all that your family is going through. I've been following your blog for months and have so enjoyed watching your family grow. This just breaks my heart - I just can't imagine what you all must be going through. I pray that you and your family are able to get through this sad time and that you find peace. Sending a huge hug your way.

Cathleen said...

Losing a pet that has become part of your family is really hard..I am sorry for all that you are going through at this time in your life.
You are stronger than you think!

The Best of Both Worlds said...

This brings tears to my eyes! I am so so sorry your having to go through all of this at this time of year! Thinking of you and your family!

Caitlin said...

Oh Jenni, I can't believe all of this is happening to your family. My thoughts are with you and your family in this difficult time. I'm praying that you have the strength to get through all of this, but I know you're already a very strong woman.

I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas, and a wonderful New Year in this difficult time.

Tessa B said...

::hugs::

I'm so sorry for all of the pain you're going through. I pray for you to find some comfort during the holidays. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

Amber and Scott said...


I am SO angry at the universe for taking so much from you at once! I am so glad your family is so close -- you need them more than ever and you are lucky to have them. <3

And I am so glad you decided to send the Christmas cards. It's a little slice of normality -- which I suspect you need right now. xo

Anonymous said...

I am so, so sorry. I'm sure Kai is romping with his Poppy as I type this comment.

Sarah said...

I am so sorry to hear about Kai. My thoughts are with you guys!

Mandey Ejiasi said...

You are one strong, amazing woman and mother. Sending love to you.

Susan said...

So sorry for your losses. It's never a "good" time, but the holidays seem to make it even harder. Good for you for being strong for your children. One day at a time :)

Emily Kate said...

So so sorry for all the loss this season, your family is both in my thoughts and prayer and it's inspiring watching you pull through with so much grace. God Bless!

DC Lamonts said...

Oh Jenni....the hardest thing I ever had to do was put my sweet Madison down at the tender age of 8. I still miss her in my house.

Then this Fall we lost my grandmother and that continues to be one of the hardest things to get through.

I don't have any advice or words of wisdom-- just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine what you & your family are going through right now <3

Lisa said...

So, so sad for yet another loss. Sending lots of hugs and thoughts of joy! Glad you went ahead with the Christmas cards :)

Candice Moretti said...

I just cannot imagine how you must be feeling. Sending a ton of hugs and positive thoughts your way.

Jeannie said...

Oh Jenni my dear blog friend...
I wish there was something I could do for you. I'll just send many ::hugs:: your way!!

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog for some time but have never commented. I am so sorry you and your family lost your dad and then your dog. I can't imagine the grief you are feeling. My prayers are with you and your family. I know this Christmas will never be the same, but I hope you feel the love that surrounds you.

Jo said...

Jenni,

I have followed you on and off for about 3 years now, never commenting, just reading, getting pregnant after you had 2, then while on maternity leave for a year I followed your blog more closely.

I now feel compelled to give you my sincerest condolences, seeing what you have had to overcome in the last couple months alone is more than anyone should ever have to. Stay strong, and keep that joyful spirit.

Wishing you nothing but the best for the new year.

Pamela said...

I am so sorry for this difficult time you are all going through. I am glad you got your Christmas cards out too :) Prayers ascending for you & your family.
Pamela

Crownd Vic said...

I can only imagine the wonderful gifts the universe has in store for you after these struggles. Hang in there, for tragedy is the portal of discovery.

Jess Gougeon said...

I can only imagine. I'm sorry :(

Anonymous said...

I am SO very sorry for your losses :(

Natalie Rush said...

I am so sorry for your losses! I can't imagine!

Kat said...

I am so sorry Jenni. We had something similar happen with our GSD and had to put him to sleep in October. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. ((hugs))

Lily said...

I don't think I've commented before, but I am so sorry that you lost both your dad and your dog so close to one another. But you're right, after last Friday's events there is still so much to be thankful for. Thanks for helping me keep that in perspective; knowing my kids are safe and healthy is truly the most important thing to me.

Sarah Halstead said...

Oh Jenni, I am so sorry. I can not even imagine. ((hugs))

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