10 May 2012

Intuition

Okay, let's get right down to it. 

We get a lot of questions about what we "think" we're having.  And everyone loves to throw their opinions at us as well... especially based on old wives tales {none of which have ever been correct with any of my babies... so far} so I tend to just laugh those off with a "yeah, we'll see."  While others just have random guesses or feelings about it.

So, what's our intuition? 

From day one, we have thought that this baby is a GIRL.

Now I'm 50/50 when it comes to guessing the sex of my babies.  But Bob?  Well he's been right both times. {Apparently his fatherly intuition is much better than my motherly intuition, huh?}

With Carter, I just had that "boy" feeling from day one.  So when it came to the anatomy scan with him, we both just excepted them to say boy and we were right.  It's not that either of us wanted a boy {we didn't care} we just thought he was a boy.

With Brynn, Bob thought it was a girl from the day we found out.  And I did too.  But then I started getting those boy feelings back and changed my mind.  So from day two, I thought it was a boy again, but Bob stuck to his "it's a girl" guns.  When it came to the anatomy scan with Brynn, I was in shock when they told us we were having a girl.  {I almost fell off the table.}  I then proceeded to say "It's a girl???" to Bob over the next week.  It took awhile to sink in and I was so over the moon excited about having a girl.

With this baby, we just immediately thought girl, for really no reason at all.  But I thought, throughout my pregnancy, that I'd just get little hints about what it was.  That I could compare this baby to how I was feeling with either Carter or Brynn and just know, without a doubt, what we were having.

But here's the thing?  Everything is different this time.

This baby is not like Brynn or Carter.  And even the things that may be slightly similar?  They can be explained. 

For example...
  • The way I'm carrying?  It's the same as Brynn.  Carter was always really high {the opposite of the OWT} and Brynn was always really low.  But I think that's just because my belly gets so big when I'm PG, that my muscles are weaker for the second + pregnancy.  So I can't really say "oh yeah, I'm carrying like Brynn so this is a girl" when I know it's more like "I make monster babies and my belly just can't take it anymore."
  • The heartbeat?  Right in the middle.  Of course. ;)  Carter was always in the 170's and Brynn was always in the 130's {again, the opposite of the OWT} But this baby?  150's.  Always.  {This little stinker loves to keep us guessing.}
  • The Chinese Gender Chart?  I don't even want to discuss this.  Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.  It said girl for Carter and Boy for Brynn.  It says boy again this time, so maybe this is 100% a girl, huh?? ;)
  • The EIF on this baby's heart?  Brynn had it too, so does that mean girl?  Nope, it doesn't.  Because boys have them too.  And I refuse to look up any studies to suggest that it occurs more often in one sex over the other.  Because I really don't want to know if it does. 
Everything else has been the same {the food that I crave, swelling, breakouts, weight gain, dreams of both genders, etc.}  It's just how my body reacts to a pregnancy, I guess.  So there's really nothing that gives me any indication of the sex of this baby.  Not a thing.

Except this feeling.  This intuition from the start that was saying "it's another girl baby!"

But I have to be honest. 

Part of me is thinking... do I have this girl feeling because I secretly {or not-so-secretly, now} want a sister for Brynn??  Sisterhood is all I know.  I've never had a brother and the relationship that I have with my 2 sisters?  I can't even put that into words. And I want that for my daughter.  I want her to have a sister and to have that relationship that I am lucky enough to experience.  That relationship of loving & confiding in someone so much that they know you much better than you even know yourself.

But then I look at Carter.  And I want a brother for him.  I've never had a brother, but I'm sure that "brotherly love" relationship is similar and just as wonderful.  And I'm okay with it just being me and Brynn surrounded by our boys.  I'm more than okay with it.

And that's why we're not finding out.  Because we really don't care what we're having.  This is a healthy baby and whether it's a boy or a girl, they will be completing our family and we will love them more than life itself. Just like Carter and Brynn.

Now here's where I start talking crazy.

I have this little feeling that I will be a tiny disappointed at the birth either way {like over the moon excited 99.5% and a smidge disappointed .5%} And this may not make sense to anyone but me, but bear with me here...

When I find out what we're having?  It will be at delivery.  When I push this little person out of me and they yell "It's a ____!"  {I can't wait for that.}  But in that moment?  That one second where I find out that little Reid or little Emerson is finally here?  The other one disappears forever.  And I'll know, in that moment, that that other litter person that I've been dreaming about for so long?  They will never exist for me.  Boy. Girl. It won't matter. I've spent 9 months picturing my life with both of them.  But in reality?  I only get to keep one.

So while I'll be bursting with joy over the birth of my new little one, I'll also be mourning the possibility of what life would have been like with the other.  Just a tiny bit.

Am I making any sense??  Probably not.

So yeah, to sum up... we think girl.  But maybe it's a boy.  We don't really care either way. And I'm a crazy person.

And for the record?  Brynn says girl and Carter says both, but mostly boy because "we already have a baby girl" so clearly, according to Carter, you can only have one. ;)

122 days to go.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I completely get it!! You are not crazy, just a preggo mama!!
I didn't find out with my second pregnancy. I so hoped it would be a girl (I already had 1 boy). When HE was born I was a tiny bit sad but now that he is 4 I can't imagine my life without him!!

Kristal said...

Yes I get it. 100% I get it. At our ultrasound on Tuesday, we sincerely considered finding out for this reason exactly because then I could deal with the disappointment beforehand. But we didn't, because I still think that end moment will be better.

J-Berg said...

First of all, I have to say, I love Carter's logic. Sounds reasonable enough to me.

And I completely get what you're saying. When my husband and I went to our ultrasound in March to find out what we were having, we were both postive we were having a boy. But I said to my husband, I know I'll be slightly disapointed either way. Regardless of what we're having, we are losing the dream of the other.

He kept looking at me like I was crazy Until the ultra sound tech said "It's a boy!." He finally got it.

At lunch later that day he said "You know, a little girl would have been awesome too"

Sarah [NurseLovesFarmer.com] said...

Oh, Jenni you seem so torn to be on Team Green! Just like you're driving yourself crazy!!! haha, but I love it! They sure keep us guessing, don't they? I *knew* Braden was a boy from day one...and with this one? I have girl vibes, but really only because my pregnancy is SO different from with Braden. But maybe that holds no truth to it either? Who knows, it's so exciting to be on Team Green!

Sarah said...

I get it. But I never had any intuition at all the first time. This time I don't either. I always hated the "What do you think it is" questions lol.

What I thought was really cool last pregnany is that my Doctor let me find out what he was on my own. So there was no "It's a ___ !" moment, but there was a "What is it?" "Take a look for yourself" moment and everyone had big smiles. Then I got to say "It's a boy!".

Would something like that help the .5% disappointment? It was super fun for me :) Just a suggestion :)

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

I totally get it! When they said E was a girl, I was super excited but also shocked and surprised (I was sure I was having a boy) and part of me really mourned for the life I had been picturing as a boy mom. FWIW, I am guessing girl, and the only pregnancy I've ever called wrong is my own. Also, every single OWT was spot on with my daughter too!

Shannon said...

I don't think it's crazy at all! I had a feeling from the start of this pregnancy that it was a boy, and it wasn't until 16 weeks or so that I started thinking "What if it's a girl"? So I formed ideas in my head of either scenario, and got equally attached to both ideas. When we found out it was in fact a girl, I was SO happy, but it definitely was a mind shift of understanding our firstborn isn't a boy, and all the thoughts we had of having a boy are now a memory (until if and when we have a boy).

Trisha Newman said...

I understand and I agree. You've spent all that time dreaming up what it would be like if your new baby was a boy and just as much time dreaming about a girl. And regardless if you wait and find out at delivery or the day of your anatomy scan, that day you will always have a little bit of disappointment at not having the boy/girl even though you're ecstatic about having the girl/boy. Unless, of course you have multiples with both sexes!

juliane2004 said...

I totally understand what you're saying. In fact, that was my main reason for finding out early (21 weeks, not delivery); because I didn't want to feel that disappointment or loss over one of my "babies" even though there is really only one there. I wanted to get used to which gender it was, come up with a name, and identify with THAT baby, not an abstract "two" babies.

Jennifer said...

You are not crazy! I am sure I will feel the same way when it comes to baby #3 because we will be team green for the first time as well! I will be happy either way but I'm sure I will be slightly sad that I will never give the 'other' child a sibling of their same sex.

little said...

haha wow. that is some confusion. i'm now excited to find out with you!

http://challengedromantic.blogspot.com/

Tracy Eyles said...

You're not crazy. I was so sure that I was having a girl...the pregnancy was so similar to DD's pregnancy. I was a tiny bit disappointed at the birth but got over it really quickly. I love my little boy so much but I secretly hoped my daughter would have a sister because I never had one. I think it's a perfectly normal response...you'll be excited either way!

Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

(this is not meant to sound judgemental at all, i promise) But this is exactly why I always find out the gender of my babies. Of course, I'm extremely impatient. But mostly... I want to know WHO is in my tummy. I don't like feeling torn about things. Or wondering constantly when in actuality I don't need to be going crazy with curiosity.

I know that you are determined to be team green but lady, you are making yourself nuts with all of this baby gender talk! ha ha. Good news is that you can still find out if you want. And the other good news is that even if you still don't wanna find out, you aren't too far away from meeting your little one!

Lisa @bitesforbabies said...

I'm pregnant with my second (11 weeks) and although I don't "feel" anything just yet I'm hoping this one is a girl!! You could always do one of those "no-fool" tests like the Chinese calendar, or the pendulum,lol! Actually my mom swears by calculating dates..it worked for 80% of the moms I know!!! I do think all that stuff can make you go crazy too so I wonder if it's worth it? I know I don't like surprises so I WILL find out when the time comes!

Kelly said...

As long as it's healthy...right?

kjarvis2213 said...

I so get that feeling of the .5% sadness. We waited too but on our first and when he was born I was soo excited but as small tinge of, Oh well it is not a girl. Even though I always thought it was a boy. It passes quickly but it is still there. I would have to say that is the only downfall to waiting. GO TEAM GREEN!

Becki said...

I totally get everything you're saying. We were team green with baby #1 and are team green again this time. The first time we had two names picked out and I had dreams of having my little C (boy) or my little A (girl). I had a pretty strong feeling baby was a boy, and would have been thrilled either way. When the doctor held him up and asked, "What is it mommma?" I announced, "It's a boy!" and immediately started crying. My husband says that he's never seen so much joy on my face. But the truth is that there was that 0.5% of me that was sad I was losing my little A even though she was never mine to begin with.

This time around, it is the same. We have two completely new names picked out (ditching the girl name from last time). I have a strong sense that this baby is a girl, but I know that I'll be thrilled for DS to have a baby brother or a baby sister. I'm also 99% sure this baby will be our last. To some extent I know that the disappointment factor will be slightly higher if this baby is a boy because I'll never get my little girl.

But still, either way, in that moment the 0.5% or the .75% disappointment that you feel is so fleeting compared to the absolute and overwhelming joy that you feel. Team green is amazing, and you're going to absolutely love it and proclaim how "worth the wait" it was once you're holding that baby in your arms!

Chris said...

Hi Jenni, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

amelie522 said...

I completely understand that feeling, mama. You carry around the idea of these two little people, and one really does disappear. I get it.

As far as how you're carrying, when you have babies very close together, your muscle memory kicks in much faster and your body doesn't have ample time to get back to prepregnancy form. So it might be a boy!

amelie522 said...

By the way, every commenter but two are pregnant. Which is another reason i feel like the only person that's not pregnant in all of the blogosphere. And it hurts my heart, so much. Sorry, didn't mean to get all sad sack on you!

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