25 October 2011

If only for a week.

If only for a week, I knew about you. You were mine.

My baby.

From the moment I saw "pregnant" on that little test early one Monday morning, my life forever changed.

My third baby was coming.

If only for a week, I had the promise of something special. Someone special.

I pictured what you would look like. What our life would look like as a family of 5. It was beautiful.

You were beautiful.

It may have only been a week that I knew you were coming, but it only took a second for me to fall in love.

I told your brother and sister about you. They were happy. Excited. Just as we were. Your brother even said "Can it be a baby girl like Brynnie?? Because she's my best friend!" {Then I smiled and cried, of course.}

It may have only been a week, but we knew that you were going to bring such joy to our lives come June.

Then, nearly as fast as it came, it ended.

And now you're gone.

I feel like someone is stabbing me in the heart every time I think of you. What you would have become.

Who you would have become.

I write this post to let you know that you are so loved. And missed. Not a day goes by that I wish this nightmare would end. That you were still there, growing safely in my belly.

Although I know that I have so much to be thankful for, sometimes it's hard to see that through my tear-filled eyes. While the wound is so fresh. But we will move on. We will be strong again.

I will be strong again.

If only for a week, you were apart of me. And you will forever be apart of my story.

I love you, sweet baby.

80 comments:

rachel said...

so sorry, Jenni.

Momma Brown said...

jenni, that was beautiful.

I can't say it enough how sorry I am that this has happened to you. I know how much you love your babies and how excited your were about this new one.

<3

Ry's Mama said...

Oh this just left tears in my eyes...I went through this same thing last month...big, big hugs friend.

Anonymous said...

So very sorry. I understand entirely what you mean. I've miscarried twice - once at the same point and you and once at 8 weeks.

I found out last Monday (a week ago now) that I'm also very unexpectedly pregnant with #3. I'll have an ultrasound next week to see if it's viable. To quote Upstairs Downstairs, nothing is ever the same after losing a child "even hope is tainted".

Praying for your healing and comfort...

Jen said...

(((hugs)) I am so sorry. I feel your pain. It will be 13 years 12/15 when I lost my first baby. I still have my days after all these years and 3 kids later.

J-Berg said...

Oh Jenni, my heart just broke all over again for you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way.

Andy and Emmie said...

So sorry to hear about your lost! I read your blog often, but rarely comment. I want you know that you really touched me with your words. You and your family are in my prayers.

Alena said...

I'm sorry Jenni! I've been praying for you and thinking about you!!!

Tessa said...

Oh, Jenni. My heart dropped reading this. I'm so sorry for you. Many thoughts and prayers are sent to your family. Take care.

Jeannie said...

:( So sorry to hear that :(

Sending many many hugs from MN!

Kat said...

I'm so sorry, hun. :(

Mrs Gloves said...

Jenni, I know how excited you were to welcome this little one. My heart has been breaking for you every since you told me the news. I am so sorry for your loss. <3

Andrea said...

I am so sorry. But you are so right. You have so much to be thankful for and when the time is right it will happen. Love and hugs to you!

Shaun said...

I wish there were words to express my pain & sadness for you and your family. You're strong, amazing and have so much love to give. Your letter to your baby encompasses all that you are.

Amanda said...

I am so sorry. So very very sorry. You are in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry. ((Hugs))

Megan said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

Kristin said...

Ive been thinking about you sweetheart. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Mandy said...

Aww, Jenni. So very sorry for your loss. It hurts. Thinking of you.

Mychal B. said...

Sending love your way.

Jennifer said...

I am so very sorry for your loss! *hugs*

Brandi said...

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you!

Nicole said...

Jenni,

I am so sorry for all that you and your family are going through. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers and hugs,

Nicole

Laura said...

That was beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. Give those kiddos lots of hugs.

Shannon said...

Jenni- that was beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss.

bobbers119 said...

What beautiful words. So so sorry for your loss.

The Mrs./The Mom said...

This made me cry. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are I'm my T&P!

Chelsea said...

What a beautifully worded good-bye to your baby... I'm so sorry for your loss Jenni.

Immortal Beloved said...

thoughts and prayers... beautiful post

Jenna said...

This brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss. Many thoughts and prayers coming your way for your dear family as you heal.

Crystal said...

I am so sorry for your loss Jenni. Hugs to you.

Duchess said...

Sending you some lots of love and hugs. So sorry you have to go through this loss.

*hugs*
Kristen

BuhBuhBRIANNA said...

I'm so sorry Jenn :( I've been thinking about you ever since Bobby called me last week. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. Even if you just want me to drive down and pick up Orient on the way!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know all too well where you're at, and it's not an easy place. Your angel will be with you forever.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry Jenni.

Anonymous said...

So sorry, ((hugs))

amanda said...

That was a gift *HUGS*

SSzem said...

I feel so honoured to have read this...you are strong beyond strong, and you are loved beyond love.

*hugs*

Tammy said...

So sorry Jenni. I know how hard it is to go through. I miscarried twins (one at 6w one at 8w) then I had another miscarriage at 9 weeks about a year later. As others have said...your angel will be with you forever. The Bump Loss board was a great help to me.

Jenni said...

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I wish there were some profound words to say that would get you through this time. Just hug your babies tight. Prayers to you and your family at this time.

Lisa P said...

What beautiful words,I am so sorry for your loss Jenni. Thoughts and prayers to you and yours <3

Kristal said...

You know I'm praying for you, Jenni!

Sheri said...

Oh my goodness, what beautiful words. I am so sorry for your loss. I

Sarah @ It's a Vol said...

So sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you and your family.

Beth Anne said...

I'm so sorry, Jenni. So very, very sorry.

Sarah said...

I read your blog religiously and I'm just so sad to hear this news. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Emily Kate said...

Hurting for you, and saying a prayer. Nothing like a momma's love for her babies, even if only for a second.

Amy T said...

So very sorry, Jenni

Audrey said...

So very sorry for your loss. I read your blog often but don't usually comment. This just brought tears to my eyes. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Mama G said...

I am so sorry, again. <3

ashley said...

i'm so sorry, jen. many hugs & prayers your way, sweetie.

Jill said...

I am so sorry Jenni, sending you many hugs. What you wrote was just beautiful

Grammy said...

So so sorry honey, for you and Bobby. My heart broke into a million pieces - I have never read such beautiful and meaningful words as this. Just know that you have all your family and friends thinking of you and with our arms around you while you are healing from this. Big hugs!

uwmomma said...

Jenni, I am so sorry. I've heard too many similar stories lately, and my heart is sad for you and the other mommas on my mind. I pray for peace and comfort for you today.

Emily said...

I am so sorry, Jenni. xo

Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

Oh this makes me so sad to read. I'm truly sorry for your loss. There is much too much of it going around lately. I pray for you and your family! xoxo

Ashley said...

I am so sorry. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Becki said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. These words are beautiful. Thinking of you and your family, and praying that you'll be expecting baby #4 soon.

Jamie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jenni! We lost Baby #1 this way. I know how much it hurts! You're right though, you will be strong again. Hang in there!

Jamie

Yuliya A. said...

I'm so so sorry about your loss! Beautifully written! I'll be thinking of you and your family in this difficult time.

Anna & Kirby said...

I'm sorry to hear this news.

Denise said...

I am so sorry! I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

torie@twentyfivedesign said...

You brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry friend. I will be thinking and praying for you. Wish I could give you a big squeeze.

Erin said...

i'm so sorry jenni. this should never have to happen to anyone. prayers with you! things will work out. <3

Katie @ Loves of Life said...

I'm so glad you chose to write about this. It helped me so much to write. hugs.

ARH said...

I am so sorry Jenni. This post brought tears to my eyes. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Beckie said...

Im so sorry Jenni, the same happened to me before I had my 1st and noone really understands unless it happens to them. thinking of you.. wishing you alot of luck in the future. xoxox

Jill said...

Beautiful letter Jenni. I'm so sorry.

Chelsey - The Paper Mama said...

I'm sorry friend. <3

Amanda said...

I am sorry for you loss.{{Hugs}}

Kristin said...

I am so so sorry for your loss Jenni, I hope you find the strength you need to heal

The Steens said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Jenni. ((hugs))

Maggie said...

I'm so sorry Jenni

Love, Chelsea said...

I'm so sorry, sending you lots of love.

Stacy Uncorked said...

Ohhhh Jenni! I'm so, so sorry for your loss! I've been through it several times - latest just last month. And it never gets easy. Or less heartbreaking. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!! ((HUGZ!!))

Sarah said...

So very sorry for your loss, Jenni. y thoughts and prayers are with you!

Emily said...

So sorry foryourreal and profound loss. Thinking about you and your family. XOXO

lena said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Thoughts with your family.

Kimberly said...

Oh, Jenni. I'm heartbroken for you. :-( ((hugs))

Angie said...

jenni,
i am so sorry for your loss. i read this when you posted it and my heart broke for you. i read it again just now as it has been exactly one week since i lost my baby. my story goes...if only for one day. but i feel the exactly same way as you. i thank you for sharing your story with me. i wish this wasn't happening to either of us. i hope we can both move on soon. hugs!

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